by Dee Dee 

The month of February has been designated “Black History Month”. It actually began as “Negro History Week” back in 1926 when Dr. Carter G. Woodson, a black Harvard Ph.D and a son of former slaves, took it upon himself to bring awareness and recognition to the accomplishments, achievements and contributions of black people in our country’s history.

As I write this article, Black History month is, well, almost history, but no matter when we talk about it, whether February or July or October, black history is our history and it is always relevant. It is so important for us to keep our history in the forefront of our minds, especially the minds of our young people. They need to know the sacrifices made by generations of courageous men and women who lived before them.

I was reading something the other day about the sit-ins of the 1960’s, and was amazed at the discipline that young black college students displayed while sitting at lunch counters where white folks refused to serve them because they were considered less than a person. Imagine having to go through back doors and back alleys to purchase food or goods that you spent your hard-earned money for, and oftentimes paying double what whites paid for the very same thing. It boggles my mind that another human being could think so highly of themselves while treating another human being as if they were sub-human. I’ve often asked myself, “Why do white people feel the way they do about us? Who told them they were the superior beings on this earth?”

Of course not all whites feel that way. There are some who believe in equal rights and opportunities for blacks, but we all know they are in the minority. I remember a recent conversation I had with one man who was in college during the 60’s. He told me a story about him and a white female student, who supported the movement, and their plan for him to eat at a restaurant where they both knew he wouldn’t be served. The white student entered the restaurant first, and after a few minutes, he followed and sat next to her at the lunch counter. She ordered her food, but no one bothered to take his order. When she received her meal, he told me that she pushed it in front of him, and he ate it – right there in front of all the white folks. He said at first he thought they were too shocked to stop him, but then he realized they had another plan. When he got the bill it was almost triple what it would have normally cost. He remembers thinking that if he wouldn’t have had enough money to pay for it, they would have put him in jail. Thankfully, he had enough.

I am sure there are thousands of other stories about brave warriors of the sit-in movement – those who were trying to make a difference in their lives and in the lives of generations to come. Many of them were beaten, spat upon and verbally abused, yet with extraordinary courage, focus and determination, they persevered. I tried to imagine college students today taking that kind of non-violent stand. Today’s young people seem to have a sense of entitlement. They think the world owes them everything, and the way to get it is to be disrespectful, fight and even kill for it.  Certainly I don’t believe all of our youth are violent and without hope. There are many who are involved in positive activities that make them role models for an even younger generation. But the gap is widening between the brave young men and women of the 60’s and those of the hip-hop culture of the 21^st century. That’s why we have to keep teaching and training and molding and shaping young minds. They are our future leaders.

Those of us who mentor and encourage young people should continue to do so, as hard as it may seem sometimes. As the old adage says, “let each one reach one”.  The rewards are so great and the benefits are enormous. Yet the consequences of not helping our young brothers and sisters can be grave, literally.

There shouldn’t be a day that goes by without telling someone about our history. We need to read about it and be knowledgeable about it ourselves. Let the white folks on your job know that you know your stuff. After a conversation with one woman in my office, she was so interested in what African Americans had accomplished in history that she asked me what books she could read. She began doing research on the internet and the next thing I knew, she was sending me Marcus Garvey quotes via e-mail. She was astonished at some of the information she was reading. I’m sure she didn’t realize how significantly blacks had impacted American culture. I was ecstatic. At least she was making an effort to know who we really were instead of relying on what she had been taught in less than factual, inaccurate history books.

Finally, remember that just because we have a black president doesn’t mean we have arrived. It doesn’t mean our children can stop dreaming. We are still not equal to our white brothers and sisters. The majority of the people in the world are people of color, but white people in America have had the upper hand economically and socially for centuries. We have a long way to go, but progress is being made one black youth at a time. Until next time, I’m keeping it really real!

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The recent arrest of Henry Louis Gates (author, educator, intellectual, historian), in his own home, has sparked a lot of discussion to say the least.  It seems that everybody has an opinion or a comment to make about this very sensitive topic of conversation.  With that said, I figure I may as well weigh in on the discussion. 

The immense interest in this story says a great deal about race relations in this country.  So many people believe that African Americans have made tremendous progress in terms of our relationship with white America.  But ask the young black man who is at this very moment being pulled over by a white cop just because he’s black.  Ask the middle-aged black woman who’s been working on her job for 20 years only to learn that the new hire, a much younger white female, receives a salary significantly higher than hers for doing the same job.  Ask the little black child on the playground why the mothers of the white children won’t let their kids play with her.  Ask the black teenager why he’s being watched and followed around in a store where he only wants to purchase a new shirt.  Ask the black inmate who is erroneously incarcerated for the rape of a white woman. Or, simply ask Professor Gates.

 Slavery may have been abolished and the days of Jim Crow might now be outlawed, but race has never ceased to be a factor in our daily lives.  Sure, conditions may have improved over the last 400 years for African Americans, but the word “improved” is relative to whatever circumstances we as individuals have had to endure.

The views about Professor Gates’ arrest range from one extreme to the other.  Some people side with the sergeant who made the arrest; others support Gates.  I tend to agree with our president.  After it was learned that Gates actually lived in the house that he was suspected of breaking into, I too think “the police acted stupidly”.  President Obama may have spoken hastily and impusively when he used those words, but his thinking was right on target. He later said he should have “calibrated his words differently”.  Being president of the United States apparently calls for a bit more restraint of speech during a press conference.  And I suppose any variation of the word “stupid” coming from the president’s mouth is probably unacceptable. But I heard cheers from black folks when he said it.

On the other hand, Sgt. Crowley, is supposedly trained to handle racial situations on the job. From what I’ve read, he was appointed by a black police commissioner to train other officers in how to avoid racial profiling.  If he has the experience in dealing with these types of situations, why did his encounter with Gates escalate to the level it did? I wouldn’t go as far to say that Sgt. Crowley is a racist, but I will say his judgment in this case should be questioned.  Why not avoid this entire controversy by saying, “Mr. Gates, I clearly see that you’re upset, and I apologize for having to question your identity. It’s apparent that you belong in this residence; however, for the safety of the community, I hope you understand that I am required to investigate a report of someone burglarizing a home. Now that I’ve done that, I’m convinced that no crime has been committed. You have a nice day, sir.  Goodbye.”  The sergeant turns and walks away. End of story. 

But it was not to be.  Gates was understandably upset over having to show identification to prove he was in his own home.  After arriving back in the States from China, tired and jet-lagged from the long flight, who wouldn’t be irritated about being questioned, forced to identify himself, and ultimately taken to jail. Wouldn’t you be ticked off?  I think his behavior was justified and should have been understood with compassion.  Instead, the response was to handcuff and arrest this prominent, distinguished, celebrated educator.  Were his words ringing true to the officer?  Did Sgt. Jim Crowley not like Gates’ tone?  Was Gates not submissive enough for the sergeant?  Who knows what caused Crowley to demonstrate his authority.

Professor Gates may even have some regrets with regard to his actions that day. Maybe he should have been more cooperative. Maybe he shouldn’t have voiced his displeasure at the police coming into his home to legitimately question him. It’s easy to say now, after the fact, what one would have or should have done, but in the heat of the moment when you’ve done nothing other than enter your own home (no matter how you had to get in – it’s your house), an emotional  reaction rather than a quiet response is, in my opinion, warranted.  And I see nothing wrong with that.  Professor Gates was keepin’ it really real!

 Dee Dee

It’s a sad day when you can’t attend a proud ceremonial event like a high school graduation without having to deal with a lot of “drama”.

I attended my niece’s graduation this year where there were at least 300 seniors eagerly anticipating their next step in life – taking the plunge into the real world. The event was held in an enormous college arena. It was crowded, loud and very impersonal. I felt particularly bad as I spotted several frail-looking grandparents, aunts and uncles who were positioned in wheelchairs along a cold, black metal railing. They were being bumped into and passed over by inconsiderate rowdy teenagers attending what should have been a traditional, time-honored event. These elderly, patient and seemingly calm relatives just wanted a glimpse of a grandchild, niece or nephew experiencing one of the great milestones in their life.

The school program listed eight valedictorians (yes eight), and all of them would speak. It took forever to get to the actual calling of the graduates’ names. When they finally got to that part of the “ceremony”, nobody could hear because thousands of people were screaming at the top of their lungs, and horns were blaring all over the place. Those caught blowing the horns were quickly escorted out by police officers. A zoo would have been a more peaceful place.

Afterwards it took us over an hour to find my niece because of all the chaos. That night I vowed never to attend another high school graduation, but had to recant that statement after remembering that my son is two years away from finishing school. What a bitter-sweet thought. Maybe by the time he’s ready to don a cap and gown I will have recovered.

I read about one recent high school graduation, also held in a university gymnasium, where someone was actually killed – shot in the head. Officials said it was gang related and no one from the high school was involved. It was awful to say the least, and so sad.

It makes you wonder what happened to the good old days. What happened to graduations that were actually held at the high school you graduated from? Back when the person calling out the names waited until you received your applause, waved at your family, smiled at the camera, and had your diploma in hand before calling the next name? Remember the nice, respectful ceremony with no horns, loud screams or police protection? It would certainly be nice to be able to capture your child’s “moment” and remember it without all the other distractions. Guess that happens only on television.

It’s all about teaching and training our children how to act, not only at home, but in public too. They need to learn, basically, to respect other people, but most of all to respect themselves.

Until next time, let’s keep it really real.

BY DEE DEE

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The U. S. economy has been spiraling downward for a while now. Economists say it will get worse before it gets better. I personally know several people who have been affected by this recession. Some have lost jobs; some have lost their homes. It’s really bad, but I know there is a bright side in all of this. I’m very thankful that I still have my job; however, the financial grim reaper has come to my company’s door, too. Wages have been frozen and furlough days (days off without pay) are right around the corner. Both seem to be a precursor to the inevitable –

layoffs.

The collapse of our economy doesn’t seem to favor any particular sector – everybody has been touched. Small businesses, big corporations, the auto industry, manufacturing, the food industry, healthcare, retail, fuel, and so many more areas are feeling the pain. Families are hurting too. Inflation has caused the price of just about everything to go up, yet our salaries remain the same. Mothers and fathers are barely able to make ends meet. It’s a struggle just to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and clothes on your back. These are the necessities of life that people are struggling with – food, clothing and shelter – they are not luxuries.

Everywhere you go the economy seems to be the topic of conversation. It has definitely changed the way we live. We are rethinking the way we do things now. Taking our lunch to work is much more economical (and smarter) than spending ten dollars a day eating out. Renting a flick from one of those $1.00 machines and purchasing microwave popcorn is far better than dropping $30 or $40 at a movie theater. When gas surpassed the $4.00/gallon mark last year, I even started taking public transportation to work. The price of fuel has decreased from those record highs now, but it’s good to know that option is still available when the cost of gas rises again.

This financial crisis seems to have brought people closer together. I guess it’s the fact that we all have a common dilemma, although on different levels. And when that happens, there is a desire to help one another. But we have to help ourselves before we can help each other. We should try to save more and spend less, and eliminate unnecessary spending altogether. Glamour is out and thriftiness is definitely in. We have to make sacrifices for the sake of our future.

It would be wise to share what we have with others who are not as fortunate. We cannot look down upon our neighbors who’ve lost homes and jobs and depleted their savings because we could be the next ones in that same situation.

Just a few days ago a man in his mid-50’s came in to my office looking for work. He wore a dark suit, sported a beard, looked tired, and appeared to be desperate. He informed me that he was a former general sales manager just recently laid off. He said he would be willing to take any entry-level position we had. Unfortunately, he didn’t have an appointment and we didn’t have any job openings. I kept his resume and tried to give him some encouragement and a little bit of hope.

As he drove away, I thought to myself, that could be me. One day employed, the next day driving around trying to find work. I imagined him with a family to support, yet going home with no success in finding work. How discouraging that must be for him. He was a white man…and if he’s having a hard time, I know what it must be like for our black brothers. Yes, we have an African-American president, but our society is not going to change overnight. It’s still hard out there for a brother.

We’ve got to keep on pressing forward and not give up. Defeat should not be in our vocabularies. There is a bright side in all of this. We are all just “going through”, and anything you go through you must come out of on the other side. So, I’ll continue to try to help anyone I can by cooking a meal, giving a ride, donating money or just giving them words of encouragement. I hope you’ll do the same. Let’s keep it really real!

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by Dee Dee

The evening of November 4^th is as fresh in my mind today as it was that incredible Tuesday night. The night Barack Hussein Obama was elected the 44^th president of the United States. It was unbelievable. When it was announced that he won the election, I threw my hands in the air and cried. I watched as the news anchors stumbled over their words – not even believing what they were saying themselves. I watched as a crowd of over 200,000 people in Chicago went absolutely crazy.

I thought about my parents. They could never conceive the idea of our country being led by a black man, a Negro. And truthfully, I never thought I would live to see it happen. I cried for my parents and for all of the martyrs who died fighting for justice and equality. I thought about all of the oppression, adversity, and hardships African-Americans have been through – slavery, the Civil Rights movement, Jim Crow, lack of voting rights, poverty, racial and economic discrimination, and so much more. None of it, however, will have been in vain when on January 20^th 2009, Barack Obama, having broken so many barriers, will take the oath of office and become the most powerful leader in the free world.

The man himself is exciting. He is tall, good-looking, well-spoken, Harvard educated, yet street smart. He is patient, kind, and humble, down to earth, funny, and passionate about serving others. But most of all, he cares about people. He is a different kind of politician; a different kind of leader, and it is definitely time for a change.

Obama won the popular vote in addition to a landslide electoral victory. The excitement kept me up way past 1:00am election night. People were text-messaging me like crazy. I think the entire world was text-messaging. I remember receiving one from my daughter. All it said was “OMG!!!!!!”. I knew she was ecstatic. It was a phenomenal moment, and truly something to shout about. I think I said about a thousand “Thank you Lord’s” back-to-back. Even though I stayed up late, I had an unusual amount of energy the next morning. I jumped out of bed, and immediately began to pray and thank God. “We have actually elected a black president”, I said to myself.

Although Obama’s achievement was unbelievable to many, “Yes We Can” was his mantra throughout the campaign, and he has shown all of us – black, white, Hispanic, Asian, or other, that we absolutely can succeed if we have the discipline and determination not to give up. Yes we can live in a single parent home and become successful. Yes we can get the best education if we want to succeed. Yes we can care about our community and those who live in it. Yes we can treat people with respect. Yes we can set our sights beyond our circumstances and achieve our dreams.

Thank you, Barack Obama for never giving up on your dream. Thank you for being an example of success for children everywhere, especially little black children, who grow up without fathers and wonder what their future holds. Thank you for loving your beautiful wife, Michelle and your adorable daughters Malia and Sasha, and for showing black men how to love their families. And finally, thank you for Keepin’ it Really Real!

by Dee Dee

I vividly remember opening night of one of Tyler Perry’s films. After dinner, my husband and I had agreed to meet some friends at the movies. We sat in our seats, quietly talking amongst ourselves like others in the crowded theater, while several movie trailers played on the screen. As soon as the lights dimmed, we all stopped our chatter, settled back in our seats and focused on the screen to enjoy the movie.

Prior to the movie’s introduction, we heard a woman say in a calm voice, the same words that were printed on the screen: “Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. Recording devices of any kind are strictly prohibited. Thank you. We hope you enjoy the feature presentation.”  I checked my phone to make sure it was turned off. It was on vibrate mode, so I turned it off completely. There, in the darkened theater, just to my left on the row ahead of me, I could see a distracting light from an open cell phone. A young girl was text messaging someone, clicking keys and oblivious to everyone around her. Didn’t she hear the announcement that said to turn those devices off? Doesn’t she know that light is annoying? Totally unaware of my frustration, she kept right on texting.

The movie began and I decided to forget about her somewhat small act of defiance. Then out of nowhere a large silhouetted figure appeared in front of me, trying to find a seat next to Cell Phone Girl. The woman just kept standing there holding an overloaded tray of drinks, popcorn, candy, and who knows what else. Holding the tray high in the air, she looked to her left, then to her right, then down behind her as if waiting for someone to pull the seat cushion down. I thought to myself, Someone please help her so she can sit down. Finally, “Boyfriend” to the right noticed her dilemma and held the cushion down. She sat, uncomfortably in the small seat, and a few seconds later, bam! Product distribution time. She started handing off sodas, popcorn, candy, napkins, straws and money, to her left and right. The sound of change hitting the floor made everybody look down. I’m thinking, Please settle down people. I just want to watch the movie in peace.

When everything seemed to calm down, there it was again – another light. This time it was a Bluetooth light blinking from the head of the woman who’d just sat down. I told myself, it was just a minor distraction, and tried to block it out, but that tiny, bright blue illumination kept blinking on and off, and on and off. I started looking around the theater and noticed similar lights blinking from other people’s heads. I could actually hear people talking all over the place. Children were whining and babies were crying. People were walking up and down the aisles. One man yelled out from the back in a loud voice, “Shut up down there!!”

When something funny was said on screen, the crowd laughed hard, loud and long, which meant you missed the next few lines after that. Shouts of “You go girl!” filled the theater. I heard several, “Oh, no he didn’t just say that.”  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love it when people can get into and enjoy a good movie, but these people were downright obnoxious. They showed no respect for those of us who had hoped to see a movie in a somewhat pleasant and relaxed environment.

Unfortunately, I have to say the movie was filled with African-Americans. There may have been one Caucasian in the theater. He must have been the movie critic who wrote the rather bland review in the newspaper the next day. In fact, when I read the review the next morning, the critic wrote that based on the loud, laughing outbursts from several movie patrons, he assumed the movie was funny. However, he wouldn’t be able to give a proper assessment until he saw the movie a second time, in different surroundings. We all know what that means.

C’mon people. If we would quit trying to bounce and soothe our crying babies, who shouldn’t even be there in the first place, maybe someone could enjoy a good film. What’s wrong with getting a babysitter before you go to the movies? And turn off your cell phones, for no other reason than this: because they asked you to. When you’re talking during the movie, everybody around you can hear you – and we don’t want to. Some of us like to actually hear the movie. Can’t we try to have just a little class about us? If being considerate of those around you is too much to ask, then let me put it another way, like Mama might say: “Quit acting a fool and act like you got some sense.”

Until next time, lets keep it really real!

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A Future on Hold

by Dee Dee

I recently had the chance to speak in depth with a 20-year-old unemployed single mother, who lives in the housing projects with her two-year-old son. Melissa* had a nonchalant, indifferent attitude about her living situation and about life in general. However, she was very opinionated and vocal about her parents, and more specifically her mother.

The first time I met this young lady was in 1994. She was a cute seven-year-old then, who came from a typical middle-class family. At that time, I could only envision great things for her. Unfortunately her life took a turn in another direction. After graduating from high school, Melissa ended up pregnant. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy or if the father of the baby is even in the picture today. I do know her parents were very disappointed in the way things turned out, and life at home became an ongoing battle. A battle Melissa did not want to deal with on a daily basis, leading her to move out on her own.

How did this smart, beautiful high school graduate with dreams, and goals end up an unwed mother, unemployed and on welfare? Surely Melissa must bear some responsibility for what has happened to her, but her parents should also be held accountable, at least to some degree. I am not writing as an advocate or an opponent of birth control, but I will say that in this day and age, an unwanted, accidental pregnancy should never happen. Likewise, the principles of sexual abstinence should be taught in every household, but unfortunately they are not. Teenagers should not be having sex – period. Nevertheless, in this case, as in many others, a child was born.

Melissa’s first mistake was having pre-marital, unprotected sex. Her second unwise decision was moving out of her parent’s home. Whether she thought it was a loving home or not. It was home. “But I couldn’t take the nagging everyday”, she told me. “My mother got on my case about everything. She never had anything positive to say to me.”  Now, Melissa lives in fear of being shot. She told me she constantly thinks of “catching a stray bullet” because of the frequent drug activity and shootings that happen near her apartment. She would rather put herself and her child’s life in danger to avoid hearing her mother’s nagging. She’s even talking about getting a gun; something I strongly advised her against. Melissa’s mother is understandably distraught over the fact that her daughter lives in the projects, and constantly asks her to move back home. “I’m never moving back in with them”, she said.  My advice to her was to lose the pride and go home. She must consider the child’s well being, because right now, he should come first.

This whole scenario should be a lesson to parents and young girls everywhere. Mothers and fathers, talk with your children about the consequences of unprotected sex. Be firm and emphatic, but also loving. Teach and train your children, don’t provoke them with negative comments and constant nagging, which will only push young people away. Also, teach them to love and respect themselves. Be constructive if you must criticize, and tell them about your own experiences. Speak from your heart, but don’t berate and belittle them. And lastly, but certainly not least, pray for them and help them come up with solutions to let them know you want the best for them. If they still choose to make unwise decisions, you can find comfort in knowing that you did all you could. Allow God to do the rest.

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Welcome to the first of many columns related to issues concerning the African-American community. The purpose of this column is to motivate, inspire, educate and empower black Americans to realize our true value and self-worth.

I’m writing this column because I want to talk about our culture and our history. I want to uplift, inspire and motivate. And, in the process, I might learn a few things myself. To tell you just a little bit about me, first and foremost, I’m a black female, married Christian who fears and reverences God. This is not a column about religion, and I won’t force my religious beliefs on anyone, but I will be writing from that viewpoint and perspective. Now, with that said…I do care deeply about the state of African Americans in this country, and if just one person can be helped by reading this column, then that is one less negative statistic in our beloved community.

African-Americans, in general, are perceived among whites and other nationalities and ethnic groups as a race that just can’t get it together. They say we have no unity and no loyalty. That’s harsh, but for the most part, true. Our children need education, discipline and mentoring. Our women and elders need respect, love and honor. Our black males need to be esteemed, empowered and embraced. It’s not that we don’t know what’s plaguing our communities – we do. We’re lagging behind in education, and employment opportunities. AIDS, poverty, drugs and violent crimes are on the rise, and to put it plainly, our value system is just messed up. We are the nations biggest consumers, yet our net worth is diminutive.

How can we change directions, improve our reputation, and amend our global image? I don’t have all the answers, but bringing real issues to the forefront and promoting dialogue is a start. However, we must do more than talk. That’s when the motivation piece kicks in. I hope to motivate you to do something in your communities. Help the poor, feed the homeless, mentor a child, or buy some young boy a belt! Let’s lift each other up. Let our mantra be “Each One, Help One.” That’s how we can change things.

In the future, you may see articles about tattoos, grills, baggy pants and bandanas. I might go from writing about tight-skirt-wearing hoochie mamas, to old folks trying to be young. One article might be geared towards single parenting and another on daddies who do pay their child support.

There are so many topics of concern to write about and discuss – the sky is the limit. I want this column to be fun and humor-filled, but also serious and forthright. I want to help bring some dignity, style and class back to the black community. But, most of all, I want to keep it really real.

Until next time, lets keep it really real!

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