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by Dee Dee
I vividly remember opening night of one of Tyler Perry’s films. After dinner, my husband and I had agreed to meet some friends at the movies. We sat in our seats, quietly talking amongst ourselves like others in the crowded theater, while several movie trailers played on the screen. As soon as the lights dimmed, we all stopped our chatter, settled back in our seats and focused on the screen to enjoy the movie.
Prior to the movie’s introduction, we heard a woman say in a calm voice, the same words that were printed on the screen: “Please turn off all cell phones and pagers. Recording devices of any kind are strictly prohibited. Thank you. We hope you enjoy the feature presentation.” I checked my phone to make sure it was turned off. It was on vibrate mode, so I turned it off completely. There, in the darkened theater, just to my left on the row ahead of me, I could see a distracting light from an open cell phone. A young girl was text messaging someone, clicking keys and oblivious to everyone around her. Didn’t she hear the announcement that said to turn those devices off? Doesn’t she know that light is annoying? Totally unaware of my frustration, she kept right on texting.
The movie began and I decided to forget about her somewhat small act of defiance. Then out of nowhere a large silhouetted figure appeared in front of me, trying to find a seat next to Cell Phone Girl. The woman just kept standing there holding an overloaded tray of drinks, popcorn, candy, and who knows what else. Holding the tray high in the air, she looked to her left, then to her right, then down behind her as if waiting for someone to pull the seat cushion down. I thought to myself, Someone please help her so she can sit down. Finally, “Boyfriend” to the right noticed her dilemma and held the cushion down. She sat, uncomfortably in the small seat, and a few seconds later, bam! Product distribution time. She started handing off sodas, popcorn, candy, napkins, straws and money, to her left and right. The sound of change hitting the floor made everybody look down. I’m thinking, Please settle down people. I just want to watch the movie in peace.
When everything seemed to calm down, there it was again – another light. This time it was a Bluetooth light blinking from the head of the woman who’d just sat down. I told myself, it was just a minor distraction, and tried to block it out, but that tiny, bright blue illumination kept blinking on and off, and on and off. I started looking around the theater and noticed similar lights blinking from other people’s heads. I could actually hear people talking all over the place. Children were whining and babies were crying. People were walking up and down the aisles. One man yelled out from the back in a loud voice, “Shut up down there!!”
When something funny was said on screen, the crowd laughed hard, loud and long, which meant you missed the next few lines after that. Shouts of “You go girl!” filled the theater. I heard several, “Oh, no he didn’t just say that.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I love it when people can get into and enjoy a good movie, but these people were downright obnoxious. They showed no respect for those of us who had hoped to see a movie in a somewhat pleasant and relaxed environment.
Unfortunately, I have to say the movie was filled with African-Americans. There may have been one Caucasian in the theater. He must have been the movie critic who wrote the rather bland review in the newspaper the next day. In fact, when I read the review the next morning, the critic wrote that based on the loud, laughing outbursts from several movie patrons, he assumed the movie was funny. However, he wouldn’t be able to give a proper assessment until he saw the movie a second time, in different surroundings. We all know what that means.
C’mon people. If we would quit trying to bounce and soothe our crying babies, who shouldn’t even be there in the first place, maybe someone could enjoy a good film. What’s wrong with getting a babysitter before you go to the movies? And turn off your cell phones, for no other reason than this: because they asked you to. When you’re talking during the movie, everybody around you can hear you – and we don’t want to. Some of us like to actually hear the movie. Can’t we try to have just a little class about us? If being considerate of those around you is too much to ask, then let me put it another way, like Mama might say: “Quit acting a fool and act like you got some sense.”
Until next time, lets keep it really real!
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by Dee Dee
Remember the old saying, “Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?” In many conversations with my mother, God rest her soul, she said that to me. My sister and I laugh about it now, because we never really knew what it meant until we became adults. We both wondered why Mama used to talk to us about cows and milk. It just didn’t make sense to us at the time, but now, we get it. We even passed that familiar-sounding metaphor on to our own daughters because it still rings true today.
The way young girls dress in today’s society will make any mother ask that old rhetorical “Why buy the cow…” question. They wear clothing that reveals so much skin nothing is left to the imagination. They don’t play hard-to-get anymore, but freely “give it up” on the first date. Where is the self-esteem? Where is the self-respect? If it’s attention they want, they are certainly getting plenty of it. These inappropriate wardrobe decisions teach an even younger generation that in order to be liked and accepted, you need to dress provocatively. That is so far from the truth.
Black women, in general, have been blessed with physical attributes that men have lusted after, and women from other cultures have envied, for quite some time. We have now evolved to the point that there is no shame in literally showing off anything and everything, and we think it’s okay. Young girls wear see-through blouses with no bras. They wear jeans that barely cover their butt, and skirts so short that panties, if worn at all, are in full view. Their stomachs are out in the open; the necklines are plunged so deep that cleavage screams hello. And of course, those ever- present thongs are all the rage – they are definitely a must-see item. Then we tilt our heads, put our hands to our chins and stare out into space wondering why rape, sexual abuse and teen pregnancy are on the rise. Hello Somebody?
Hollywood and the entertainment industry definitely don’t help the cause, as they are some of the worst offenders as far as setting examples for young people. They seem to set the tone for fashion and behavioral standards. If so-and-so wears it, it must look good. If so-and-so does it, it must be okay. If Lil’ Kim wants to wear tassels on her nipples instead of a bra, does that mean I should too? If J-Lo wants to wear a scarf for a dress, do I have to? I don’t think so.
“Appropriate Dress” should be a part of every school’s curriculum, for young ladies as well as young men. It should be taught in the churches and it should be listed as a key job requirement in the hiring process for any position. First and foremost, however, it should be taught in the home. Parents need to set the standard for their children and be the final decision-makers where wardrobe and attire are concerned. Don’t let your teenager leave the house looking like a hoochie mama or a thug. That’s how they’ll be treated, and may be what they will become.
There must be teaching and mentoring done with our young girls. We have to let them know that self-respect is not derived from a scantily clad outward image. Let them know that a video vixen or Playboy centerfold should not be a career aspiration. They should be taught that beauty comes from within, and respect for one’s self will win the respect of others, even the young brothers they are trying so hard to impress.
Until next time, lets keep it really real!
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A Future on Hold
by Dee Dee
I recently had the chance to speak in depth with a 20-year-old unemployed single mother, who lives in the housing projects with her two-year-old son. Melissa* had a nonchalant, indifferent attitude about her living situation and about life in general. However, she was very opinionated and vocal about her parents, and more specifically her mother.
The first time I met this young lady was in 1994. She was a cute seven-year-old then, who came from a typical middle-class family. At that time, I could only envision great things for her. Unfortunately her life took a turn in another direction. After graduating from high school, Melissa ended up pregnant. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy or if the father of the baby is even in the picture today. I do know her parents were very disappointed in the way things turned out, and life at home became an ongoing battle. A battle Melissa did not want to deal with on a daily basis, leading her to move out on her own.
How did this smart, beautiful high school graduate with dreams, and goals end up an unwed mother, unemployed and on welfare? Surely Melissa must bear some responsibility for what has happened to her, but her parents should also be held accountable, at least to some degree. I am not writing as an advocate or an opponent of birth control, but I will say that in this day and age, an unwanted, accidental pregnancy should never happen. Likewise, the principles of sexual abstinence should be taught in every household, but unfortunately they are not. Teenagers should not be having sex – period. Nevertheless, in this case, as in many others, a child was born.
Melissa’s first mistake was having pre-marital, unprotected sex. Her second unwise decision was moving out of her parent’s home. Whether she thought it was a loving home or not. It was home. “But I couldn’t take the nagging everyday”, she told me. “My mother got on my case about everything. She never had anything positive to say to me.” Now, Melissa lives in fear of being shot. She told me she constantly thinks of “catching a stray bullet” because of the frequent drug activity and shootings that happen near her apartment. She would rather put herself and her child’s life in danger to avoid hearing her mother’s nagging. She’s even talking about getting a gun; something I strongly advised her against. Melissa’s mother is understandably distraught over the fact that her daughter lives in the projects, and constantly asks her to move back home. “I’m never moving back in with them”, she said. My advice to her was to lose the pride and go home. She must consider the child’s well being, because right now, he should come first.
This whole scenario should be a lesson to parents and young girls everywhere. Mothers and fathers, talk with your children about the consequences of unprotected sex. Be firm and emphatic, but also loving. Teach and train your children, don’t provoke them with negative comments and constant nagging, which will only push young people away. Also, teach them to love and respect themselves. Be constructive if you must criticize, and tell them about your own experiences. Speak from your heart, but don’t berate and belittle them. And lastly, but certainly not least, pray for them and help them come up with solutions to let them know you want the best for them. If they still choose to make unwise decisions, you can find comfort in knowing that you did all you could. Allow God to do the rest.
Until next time, lets keep it really real!
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Hollywood Bad Girls
by Dee Dee What do Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Richie all have in common? Well, that’s an easy question. A harder question might be – what don’t they have in common? Their bad-girl behavior in the last year or so seems to be the norm for young 20-something females in Hollywood. Their money, fame, or in some cases, lack of it, makes them prime targets for front page articles, magazine covers and headline TV news. It wouldn’t be so bad if the news was good news. But, everything we read, see and hear is mostly negative. What these young ladies (and I’m stretching the ladies part) call having a good time, looks more like, let’s see which one of us can get arrested first.
What can our young black females learn from these four out-of-control rich girls? I say a whole lot. For starters, getting drunk is not cute. Getting drunk in public is even uglier. At least three of the young starlets mentioned above have been caught driving while intoxicated. That’s not cool at all. And, if I might speak directly to our young people – you could be killed, leaving behind grieving parents, siblings and other family members. If you’re not the one to perish behind the wheel of that 2,000-pound piece of steel, then someone else could be killed. It’s very tragic that someone’s life would be taken because of a few dollars worth of alcohol, but to also have to face a vehicular homicide charge and possibly a wrongful death lawsuit makes matters much worse. It’s just not worth it.
Secondly, going to jail is stupid. Hiring someone with a record is not a top priority for employers. They do conduct background checks, you know. Most of our young African-American females do not have the exceptional wealth of Paris Hilton, and access to high-priced, powerful attorneys. They need to work for a living. Not many of our young ladies could get out of jail and head straight for an appearance, paid or not, on a top-rated talk show. Why would any of us want to mimic the behavior of these reckless individuals? They may have good intentions, but the decisions they make are imprudent to say the least.
So, young ladies, please use some wisdom when it comes to the choices you make. Try your best to be conscious and aware of how you carry yourself. Better yet, if you ever find yourself in a situation that appears to be heading towards that of an undesirable nature, quickly come up with Plan B. Think about Paris-Lindsay And Nicole-Brittany. The image of their mug shots alone should move you to a new level of intelligence. That means using your head when you go to hang out with your friends. Don’t put on a dress that’s so tight you can’t even pinch the fabric, or so short that you leave nothing to the imagination. If you must drink, don’t drink to the point of inebriation. And, never, ever drive if you’ve consumed alcohol. I know, some of you have one or two drinks and think it’s okay to drive. Now just for a minute, I want you to think about someone running a red light and you have one second to react and slam on your breaks. That one drink just might slow your reaction time from one second to three seconds. One drink could mean life or death to someone. It’s dangerous and the risk is just too high.
Finally, don’t let people make you do something you don’t want to do. We can get ourselves into more trouble listening to our so-called friends. Try listening to that inner voice, your gut, or your heart. If it tells you not to do something, then by all means, don’t do it. Now, that’s good advice for all of us.
Until next time, lets keep it really real!
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Welcome to the first of many columns related to issues concerning the African-American community. The purpose of this column is to motivate, inspire, educate and empower black Americans to realize our true value and self-worth.
I’m writing this column because I want to talk about our culture and our history. I want to uplift, inspire and motivate. And, in the process, I might learn a few things myself. To tell you just a little bit about me, first and foremost, I’m a black female, married Christian who fears and reverences God. This is not a column about religion, and I won’t force my religious beliefs on anyone, but I will be writing from that viewpoint and perspective. Now, with that said…I do care deeply about the state of African Americans in this country, and if just one person can be helped by reading this column, then that is one less negative statistic in our beloved community.
African-Americans, in general, are perceived among whites and other nationalities and ethnic groups as a race that just can’t get it together. They say we have no unity and no loyalty. That’s harsh, but for the most part, true. Our children need education, discipline and mentoring. Our women and elders need respect, love and honor. Our black males need to be esteemed, empowered and embraced. It’s not that we don’t know what’s plaguing our communities – we do. We’re lagging behind in education, and employment opportunities. AIDS, poverty, drugs and violent crimes are on the rise, and to put it plainly, our value system is just messed up. We are the nations biggest consumers, yet our net worth is diminutive.
How can we change directions, improve our reputation, and amend our global image? I don’t have all the answers, but bringing real issues to the forefront and promoting dialogue is a start. However, we must do more than talk. That’s when the motivation piece kicks in. I hope to motivate you to do something in your communities. Help the poor, feed the homeless, mentor a child, or buy some young boy a belt! Let’s lift each other up. Let our mantra be “Each One, Help One.” That’s how we can change things.
In the future, you may see articles about tattoos, grills, baggy pants and bandanas. I might go from writing about tight-skirt-wearing hoochie mamas, to old folks trying to be young. One article might be geared towards single parenting and another on daddies who do pay their child support.
There are so many topics of concern to write about and discuss – the sky is the limit. I want this column to be fun and humor-filled, but also serious and forthright. I want to help bring some dignity, style and class back to the black community. But, most of all, I want to keep it really real.
Until next time, lets keep it really real!
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