A Future on Hold

by Dee Dee

I recently had the chance to speak in depth with a 20-year-old unemployed single mother, who lives in the housing projects with her two-year-old son. Melissa* had a nonchalant, indifferent attitude about her living situation and about life in general. However, she was very opinionated and vocal about her parents, and more specifically her mother.

The first time I met this young lady was in 1994. She was a cute seven-year-old then, who came from a typical middle-class family. At that time, I could only envision great things for her. Unfortunately her life took a turn in another direction. After graduating from high school, Melissa ended up pregnant. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy or if the father of the baby is even in the picture today. I do know her parents were very disappointed in the way things turned out, and life at home became an ongoing battle. A battle Melissa did not want to deal with on a daily basis, leading her to move out on her own.

How did this smart, beautiful high school graduate with dreams, and goals end up an unwed mother, unemployed and on welfare? Surely Melissa must bear some responsibility for what has happened to her, but her parents should also be held accountable, at least to some degree. I am not writing as an advocate or an opponent of birth control, but I will say that in this day and age, an unwanted, accidental pregnancy should never happen. Likewise, the principles of sexual abstinence should be taught in every household, but unfortunately they are not. Teenagers should not be having sex – period. Nevertheless, in this case, as in many others, a child was born.

Melissa’s first mistake was having pre-marital, unprotected sex. Her second unwise decision was moving out of her parent’s home. Whether she thought it was a loving home or not. It was home. “But I couldn’t take the nagging everyday”, she told me. “My mother got on my case about everything. She never had anything positive to say to me.”  Now, Melissa lives in fear of being shot. She told me she constantly thinks of “catching a stray bullet” because of the frequent drug activity and shootings that happen near her apartment. She would rather put herself and her child’s life in danger to avoid hearing her mother’s nagging. She’s even talking about getting a gun; something I strongly advised her against. Melissa’s mother is understandably distraught over the fact that her daughter lives in the projects, and constantly asks her to move back home. “I’m never moving back in with them”, she said.  My advice to her was to lose the pride and go home. She must consider the child’s well being, because right now, he should come first.

This whole scenario should be a lesson to parents and young girls everywhere. Mothers and fathers, talk with your children about the consequences of unprotected sex. Be firm and emphatic, but also loving. Teach and train your children, don’t provoke them with negative comments and constant nagging, which will only push young people away. Also, teach them to love and respect themselves. Be constructive if you must criticize, and tell them about your own experiences. Speak from your heart, but don’t berate and belittle them. And lastly, but certainly not least, pray for them and help them come up with solutions to let them know you want the best for them. If they still choose to make unwise decisions, you can find comfort in knowing that you did all you could. Allow God to do the rest.

(Click "Comments" below and let us know your thoughts !)